I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
