So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize