You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
