Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
