i think my mom watched the whole time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
