she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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