I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
