Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
