hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
