new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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