1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
