Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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