Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im on a boat
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