cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
