dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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