I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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