I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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