At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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