I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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