He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
