waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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