Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do herpes really smell.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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