yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
