i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
