You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
