The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
