do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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