That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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