I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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