eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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