He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
