i barfeds in our rink
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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