There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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