I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize