ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
