well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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