The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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