we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
