We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
