Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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