if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
