she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
