How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
