im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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