i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
