After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
