"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
