I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
