first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
