I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
