Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
