Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
