I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
