Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i think i just lost a toe
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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