In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
