first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize