The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
