come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
