been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
