I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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