I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
