I just cut my nipple shaving
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
