I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
